Captain’s Blog: Stardate 01222022.4

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Once again I was reminded that the galaxy could be a dangerous place to inhabit. While at Starbase 321 (work), I received a subspace transmission (text) telling me that two of my officers (my daughter Bella and my son Noah) tested positive for the galactic plague (covid). After receiving permission from my superior officer (supervisor) to leave Starbase 321, I flew over to pick up my officers. We then received orders from Starfleet command to remain in quarantine for several days.

The following day, officer Bella became quite sick while the rest of us only had mild symptoms. I began to worry about her because she only had her first covid shot and was due for her second shot 4 days after she tested positive. I started to become upset at myself for not being more diligent and ensuring that she got her second shot scheduled sooner. After that, I began to realize just how fragile my recovery really is and how much my mental well-being was linked to the health of my kids. I don’t think I could handle another major tragedy….not yet….thankfully, she recovered.

If the worse did happen…I’d really have no choice but to somehow cope…I’d still have 2 other officers under my command. I think of Captain Eric and how he angrily yelled at God over the phone due to the recent death of his friend and I sometimes wonder if I’d have the same reaction to the passing of one of my kids. When my mom and wife died, I was still an atheist. I used to get angry at people insisting that ‘they were in a better place now’. I use to counter that the better place was here on Earth and in my family’s lives. Plus I felt that the spiritualists didn’t fully acknowledge my despair of having to deal with the finality of their passing. Now..now that I believe there is something more out here…my feelings are mixed.

I’m still unsure how to reconcile my beliefs and experiences with objective reality. Absolutely horrible things happen everyday around the galaxy. Captain Eric likened God to an absentee landlord. I’ve heard atheists say that if there is a God that he is cruel and undeserving of our love or worship for allowing the injustices that happen on a daily basis. Though I’ve had some wonderful peak experiences, I also have experienced spiritual experiences that were terrifying. When I bring this up to some, they just assume my spirituality is part delusion, part coping mechanism and part some subconscious processes. Religious folk usually blame Satan or some other demonic deity(s) for the evil in the universe. When something bad happens, what is the reason?

A part of me wants to be parsimonious and say that the universe is random and thus there is no meaning. The second law of thermodynamics would seem to back that assertion in that the universe is physically becoming more random and disordered as time goes by. Logically, one should assume that the principle of increasing physical disorder and randomness would also manifest in our lives. And yet…

The first law of thermodynamics says that energy in a system can change forms but it is neither created nor destroyed. What this means is that things may change but its never gone. God or no God, spirits or no spirits, the universe and/or God(s) something within the very fabric of existence with the capacity for life always existed and will always exist. Everything we have ever done has created changes within time and space. Our current form may cease to exist but the very energy that makes our brains functions can’t be destroyed.

In of itself that doesn’t necessarily mean an afterlife or God or anything but that our information will exist in some form…possibly retrievable with some super advanced tech. Some would say that isn’t possible cuz of entropy but all equations can be reversed but I digress. I still hold out hope for the power of emergence.

Emergence occurs when an entity is observed to have properties its parts do not have on their own, properties or behaviors which emerge only when the parts interact in a wider whole. You are made of atoms, yet you have characteristics that behave distinctly different than atoms, or even the cells that make up your body. IF there is a God(s), spirits, etc, they must exist at least partially if not wholly exist within this universe or are able to interact with this physical plane. I theorize that God is an emergent property of the universe. Something about the components of the universe or multiverse work together to create an entity(s) that has properties that don’t exist within the universe. IF there is an afterlife, perhaps our existence will take on a different form.

We are composed of light and energy; that is how are brains work. That energy isn’t destroyed. If something out there could modulate that energy, it could create any sort of afterlife for you. Think about it, everything you know, see, have experienced, felt…its all just stored in the electricity of your brain. An advanced intelligence could therefore modulate your energy to make you experience anything, physics be damned. If we are existing in that advanced being, perhaps it is guiding the story. Like us, it may experience the same positive and negative emotions as us. In fact, if God is indeed the sum of the universe, it has to.

Why does it allow bad things to happen? I can’t say for sure but I’d guess because from bad good can emerge. So much of the universe is dictated by balance, from our biology to math. Perhaps the bad happens so we can appreciate the good and because balance is a fundamental property of the universe and possibly, God.

A lot of bad has happened to me but I hope to balance the equation by putting good into the universe. I think that is the true purpose of a peer support specialist; to show others in distress the other side of the equation. I don’t know where this journey will take me, but traveling the universe has never been about the destination.

“A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn’t reject anyone.
He is ready to use all situations
and doesn’t waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man’s job?
If you don’t understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.”
― Laozi, Tao Te Ching