Counselor Troi’s Office: Session 3

Troi:

So you finally made it back for another appointment. It’s been awhile, how’s your relationship with William going?

Me:

It’s over.

Troi:

Already?

Me:

Yup.

Troi:

I read in your blog that there were some concerns you had living with him.

Me:

Yea…he’s a good person but I don’t think we were compatible. I should’ve listened to you

Troi:

Why did you move him in if you already had some concerns going in?

Me

I felt like I had to give him a chance to prove himself. In some ways he exceeded expectations. At the end, I just didn’t feel like I was with him for the right reasons.

Troi:

What are the “right reasons”?

Me:

I think in a relationship you’re supposed to enjoy the person’s company and the contrasts they bring with them above all. I started to feel like the thing I liked the most about him was the fact that he helped me with the chores and the kids.

Troi:

How do you feel about the relationship now?

Me:

I feel like we can still become very good friends and maybe even have a fling or two if we’re both single. I don’t foresee another attempt at a relationship with him. I did try to get with Eric

Troi:

So soon after your break-up with William?

Me:

Yeah…he was still on the outs with his girl and I’ve been wanting to try to be with him for awhile

Troi:

Is it safe to assume something went wrong?

Me

Yea…he intentionally lied about coming out here .. going so far as to say he was already partially on his way then later admitting that he hadn’t left his state. It was the last straw especially given how far he went with the lie…

Troi:

And how do you feel about that?

Me:

I was nervous and excited about our possibilities but assumed that somehow it’d never happen…I had at least one vision and one dream that I knew in my gut were true premonitions but I pressed forward anyways… As of now….I feel a bit betrayed…annoyed… heartbroken. I had actual chemistry with him and enjoyed his company….

Given everything I know and other assumptions, there was almost no realistic way it was gonna happen…just wishful thinking of a hopeful and curious girl….

Troi:

Dreams and visions…is this related to some of the spiritual stuff you have alluded to prior..

Me:

Yea and a bit more….I know how that sounds to a counselor…I’ve spent so much time doubting myself…though at this point I’m past the questioning myself and trying to extrapolate meaning. I find myself in awe and bit terrified of some early conclusions I’ve come to…Im quite reluctant to openly share these conclusions but find myself frequently musing about possibilities. Many times I feel like there’s no one I can really really talk to about these things because I know how it would sound…

Troi:

That must make you feel alone.

Me

I’ve always felt like an outsider…now even moreso than ever. I don’t know how to quite describe this feeling…. Maybe in the past I was optimistic that I would fit in….if I was more intelligent, if I was funner, cuter etc….I don’t have that hope anymore… I will never fit in and I’m not sure I really want to with the way most people are…even nature and the spiritual realm seems to be far more complex than I thought…far more blacks, whites and greys…I feel surrounded and naked in front of a hostile group…some for and some against me…even some neutrally observing

Troi:

That sounds emotionally taxing.

Me:

It is…and yet…I got pragmatic things to do…help my clients, get the kids to school, pick them up, get food, cook, clean (which usually gets neglected), resolve issues with the kids and show them attention. I also try to check in with others as well.

Troi

Doesn’t sound like a lot of time for yourself.

Me

Not really….though sometimes I prefer being busy…at least I’m helping others and I can carve out small bits of time for myself in between. Sometimes I feel like I am in penance… paying for my indulgent and selfish past. And my newfound insights about others also has broke my heart because I can see now how I’ve alienated others and why things in my life are the way they are ….

Troi

It sounds to me like you need to balance being indulgent and taking care of responsibilities better. Perhaps a a vacation will reinvigorate you. Being in the psychological field and raising kids alone puts you on the fast track to burnout. Also, maybe take some time off from relationships and the spiritual. If those things aren’t serving you, they don’t need to be apart of your life. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great. You shouldn’t feel guilty about whatever you’ve done in the past because you’re not that person anymore. Again, it’s okay to indulge. For example, after this session I’m going to have a big bowl of ice cream.

Me:

I still sorta have hope for an awesome relationship that’s filled with wild sex, hilarity, emotional support and cool vacations. And maybe hope for a bigger home together. And my curiosity is almost insatiable… whatever is out there knows I can’t help but want to engage.

Troi:

You’re hopeless….

Me:

Shut up lol!

Troi:

At least you’re smiling again.

Me

NO ONE PUTS BABY IN A CORNER ..at least not for long

Troi:

Im sorry, what?

Me

They could put me on the side or middle but not the corner!! (It’s a dirty dancing reference )

Troi

O….k…. No corners.

*steps back slowly*

I’ll be sure they confine you in a circle when they cart you away to Arkham Asylum.

Me:

Will it be a nice circle?

Troi

It’ll be a beautiful spacious circle.

Me

(Watching dirty dancing end scene)

I really do hope everyone gets their happy ending.

Troi

Most will

Me

🥲

I hope so… knowing it’s actually possible and maybe even likely helps keep me optimistic