Captain’s Blog: Stardate 12052022.8

During my journey through open space, I have encountered many alien species; some hostile and some friendly. On more than one occasion, I’ve considered bringing some aboard the USS Zamora to join the crew. Yet, only William has made the leap from Federation ally to potential crewman.

An absolutely beautiful view that the picture doesn’t do justice to the real life experience.

William has been staying aboard the USS Zamora as my personal guest. The admiral hasn’t officially been assigned to the ship yet (moved in) but it’s something I’ve been considering. Life aboard a Federation ship isn’t easy… the ship requires a lot of maintenance and sometimes the interpersonal relationships can be fraught with conflict. It’s been difficult to evaluate William.

Officers Bella and Tino stare at a bird migration

There have been times that William has been incredibly helpful and sweet. Other times, I wonder if bringing him aboard was a mistake. I’ve tried to give him a lot of latitude because it is a difficult environment…any guy coming into a household with 3 kids and a single mom is going to have an adjustment period especially when the place is too small, messy and far from where he resides. The challenges for him are compounded by the fact that William is no longer a spring chicken at 64 years old.

Bella runs from a MASSIVE flock of birds

The crew has complained about the admiral frequently but also haven’t given him enough credit or slack. I have tried to remind William that kids are fickle. It’s a delicate balancing act trying to make sure the crew feels heard while also making sure William isn’t being unfairly picked at.

I find myself unsure how I feel about him as a partner. I love talking to William about intellectual stuff and going out on dates. The intimacy has been hit and miss. As anticipated, he’s a bit more emotional than I’d prefer and I don’t really feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. I also still feel like I have to read between the lines in order to ascertain how he REALLY feels about things. His lack of joy and playfulness also makes me feel stifled…and yet… despite his shortcomings…he continues to try to improve and is open to doing almost whatever…and that is something I really like about him and maybe something I need.

The crew stares at the ocean and fog obscuring Starfleet Headquarters

Aside from William, things have been mixed. Ive become aware of several upcoming departures at Starbase 701 (work) and I’m unhappy about that. I sorta wish I could elaborate more about it but can’t… I’ve stopped dieting, working out and have not been thrilled about my appearance. Some days I hate the mirror….I try not to be vain but it is something I think about infrequently.

I also feel stuck…. I’m not really sure what the next step in my career is going to be…. even with William I don’t have enough to upgrade the ship to a galaxy class (house) and I’m relegated to flying an older shuttlecraft (car). Not that the material possessions will bring me true happiness but it would pragmatically makes things easier. I really hope that there is an afterlife and all this spiritual stuff and not just me (and many others) manifesting some logical sounding elaborate delusion.

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