Off the Record

It’s been a long time since I’ve last written. There’s so much that has happened that I feel like I’m going to forget to mention something. At the same time I felt like nothing real notable has happened. Still, I miss the writing process and here I am once again at it.

Tino at the roller rink

Tino getting a girlfriend is probably the most notable difference. He has stopped obsessively playing his video game and has spent hours upon hours talking and texting her. Bill, Bella, Noah and I joined Tino and his girlfriend Leslie for dinner. They both seem to think that they are madly in love and maybe they are.

Hearing Tino talk about his girlfriend, I am reminded of Michelle and I. I remember texting her for hours and spending as much time as I could talk with her before we finally moved in together. Even though me and Michelle were much older when we met, I consider her my childhood sweetheart because emotionally we were both rather underdeveloped. I don’t think I could ever be smitten over someone as strongly as I was over her during some of our best moments.

Me during Halloween

Speaking of old relationships, I got in contact with old friends via Facebook including the first girl I kissed, Alicia. I wasn’t sure what to expect of her given that she used to have such a hard edge. From our conversations, it seems like she’s become a much more humble person. I plan to meet up with her again to exchange stories. I was a bit surprised that she was so accepting of my transition but I’m kind of glad that I get to catch up with her. And in alternate universe her and I could have ended up together.

My friend Ray had his first daughter. He had her last month and I only found out yesterday because I reached out to him. I was somewhat hurt by him not reaching out to me sooner about the news… I thought we were closer than we are…. I don’t really see myself really communicating with him much anymore

Tino and his girlfriend on their first date

I haven’t spent too much time with Eric lately. There were moments his coming to Sacramento seemed imminent. Ultimately it just wasn’t in the cards. I did have a rather heartbreaking conversation with his on/off girlfriend Gina…her and I share a lot in common and if she lived closer, we’d probably be close friends.

William has been coming by every weekend and staying at my place. Despite all the advice to the contrary, I’ve let the relationship linger. I’ve tried to open up to him and be a bit more honest about everything….there’s still a few things I keep to myself… somethings I can’t share like work related specifics…other things I just don’t feel comfortable discussing.

Most of the staff here at work caught covid last week. Another coworker and I ended up with a ton of extra work as a result since we didn’t get covid. Other than that, work hasn’t been especially notable.

Bella and William at the river

Ruby finally was able to progress in her life and is no longer living by Starbase 701 (work). I did what I could do assist her and it seems her and her boyfriend finally decided to their part as well. I don’t know what will come of her as I didn’t exchange my contact information with her but I’m heartened to know that her trajectory is better.

I continue to be more sure of my spiritual interactions of late. These days, I am far more focused on trying to be how I need to be more than what I’d like God and the universe to be. It is said that you reap what you sow…that karma plays out eventually…and I have most certainly seen that manifested in my life…for better and worse. At this point, I’m hoping the seeds I sow are seeds that sprout good fortune for myself and even more so for others.

Nowadays I don’t even know what I really want for myself..I got what I need… I’m starting to feel like the pursuit is much more than actually getting what I want… I think about how people who win the lottery only stay happy for an average of 6 months before they revert back to their baseline level of satisfaction. I wonder if after 6 months after winning the lottery if I would go back to feeling this way or if the combination of indulging myself and helping others would make me have even a little bit more appreciation for the splendors of life.

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