One of the biggest fears many have about joining Starfleet is the prospect of their ship ending up adrift, powerless, in the cold vacuum of space. Although I’m not there yet, life has me feeling as though I am not too far from such a scenario.
I’m feeling a bit dispirited after stepping back from a promotion opportunity at Starbase 701(work). While I believed in my fit for the role, circumstances beyond the job’s scope influenced my decision to withdraw. Time has only validated my choice, with subsequent events reinforcing my reservations. My new superior officer shows promise; interestingly, she only came aboard Starbase 701 a few weeks prior.
I spend so much time thinking about how I could make the universe a better place that it feels quite frustrating not being in position to actually do anything to implement my ideas. I suppose I could be content watching the universe unfold if things were not so grim in my own life. The prospect of owning a galaxy class ship (house) is diminishing by the day due to soaring inflation. The crew (kids) frequently talk about their futures pessimistically.
Sometimes, the only thing I look forward to is death. Religion puts out this idea that if you’re “good” that there’ll be some paradise out there where you’re free from all this bullshit. The allure of heaven tempts me like the song of a siren at sea.
Late at night, I sometimes hear her melody appealing to the pain in my soul. Like a weary sailor, I steer myself in her direction. The closer I come, the more enchanting she sounds. Yet, her song grows discordant whenever I show the slightest hesitation. Her voice starts to falter when I think about whats best for my crew and all those that rely on me. I try to remind myself frequently why I sail out here lest I become ensnared in her deceptive embrace, sacrificing not only my journey but the dreams and hopes of those who journey with me.
BlogTrek: Strange New World 