I roleplay being in a therapy session
Troi: Welcome back. How’s it going?
Me: Everything’s going pretty okay. I can’t complain.
Troi: Can’t complain? In my line of work, that’s practically a standing ovation!
Me: *smiles* We’ve come a long way and you’ve helped me immensely. Thank you. I don’t want to waste your time.
Troi: I appreciate your concern for my time but you seem a bit of defensive. What’s really going on?
Me: Nothing. Everything is fine.
Troi: Is it though? I sense that there’s something more beneath the surface. Remember, it’s okay not to be okay even if you feel your concerns are minor. I noticed in you a tendency to downplay your feelings.
Me: Throughout the galaxy, so many people have it so much worse. I feel like relative to them, I have no right to complain.
Troi: Self care is very important. Small issues, if not addressed can lead to big ones. I believe we talked previously about mental hygiene being similar to physical health.
For example, not addressing one’s dental health is a relatively small issue that can lead to some serious problems if not regularly maintained. The same is true for mental health. You should also know that you can’t shoulder the burden of the world. You didn’t make it this way.
Me: You’re right . . . its just I feel like it’s important for me to have a sense of perspective so that I can know if what I’m experiencing should be prioritized as big, small or something in between.
Troi: I want you to suspend how big of an issue you feel your problems are relative to others for a moment. Instead, I want you to focus on just your feelings and how it’s affecting you.
Me: I feel somewhat overwhelmed. I feel I have tried to maintain balance biologically, tried to keep my cognitions and behaviors where they should be and I’ve tried to mitigate any negative social aspects. Its just . . . I feel like I’m trying so hard to be the best me its exhausting.
Troi: Why do you feel like you have to be the best you? What’s wrong with being flawed? No one’s perfect.
Me: One thing I’ve realized long ago is that we all fall short. However, I always try to follow my logic and beliefs as I’ve worked hard to get to where I am. I think the hardest part was finding out that I thought I had things figured out years ago and come to find out I was substantially off the mark. Since then, I’ve tried to adjust how I am in order to be in alignment with how I hope others are upon finding out that they were wrong.
Troi: It’s admirable that you’re trying to change but just dont get consumed in taking on more than you can chew.
Me: I do have a tendency to try to not only solve my own issues, but scientific and global problems but then of course get overwhelmed due to the scope of the issues
Troi: As someone knowledgeable in information technology, are you familiar with algorithms?
Me: Yeah, why do you ask?
Troi: As you know, a recursive algorithm is a method used to solve big problems by breaking them down into smaller, more manageable bites until a base case which is simple enough to be solved directly. The solution to these sub-problems are then combined to solve the original problem. I think the same method could be employed by you to tackle the bigger issues you’re trying to resolve.
Me: Ok google Algorithm 42. *Phone executes unknown program*
Troi: Huh?
Me: Just me being dorky. But on a serious note, how do I know what to prioritize?
Troi: To extend our algorithmic analogy, you could utilize a bubble sort. You make a list of problems, you go through the list iteratively, sorting problems from smallest to biggest until the simplest problem with the least amount work needed bubbles to the top. From there, find the best model that is ideally suited for the particular problem you’re trying to solve.
Me: Considering all the preprogrammed biological things I’ve entered this world with as well as the sociological things affecting me outside of my control, I feel like a broken biochemical computer. Even your description of addressing cognitive issues in a systemic way, really makes me feel uncannily mechanistic.
Troi: Sorry if I upset you. Just felt the analogy was apt. I . . .
Me: No need to apologize, it’s good advice. Humans like to feel like they’re above machines and animals but not much separates them from us aside from enhanced awareness. I’m at peace with our relative parity and our somewhat mechanistic way of being.
What disturbs me is whatever else is out here capable of modifying the very fabric of reality and trying to discern its aims.
Troi: Good observation about machines and animals. The question about the unseen is, of course, above my pay grade.
Me: But you gotta have some sort of opinion.
Troi: Not really. Whatever is or isn’t going on is likely beyond our comprehension
Me: Is it though?
Troi: Imagine an ant living in a small patch of forest. This ant’s entire world consists of the forest floor, the roots it navigates, the leaves it collects, and the other insects it interacts with. Its entire understanding of the universe is limited to what it can see, smell, and feel within a few square meters.
One day, humans decide to start a construction project near this patch of forest. Massive machines roll in, trees are cut down, and structures begin to rise from the ground. From the ant’s perspective, these activities are incomprehensible. The machines are like moving mountains, the fallen trees like cataclysmic events, and the structures are like alien formations that it has no context to understand.
Trying to explain the human motivations, the concept of construction, or the purpose of the structures to the ant would be futile. The ant lacks the cognitive capacity to grasp human motivations, the concept of architecture, or even the idea of a ‘building’. All it sees are the immediate impacts on its environment – changes in terrain, new obstacles, and perhaps new sources of food or danger.
The universe is incredibly large..If there is something that is able to modify the entire fabric of reality, then anything out there with such a capability is well beyond our comprehension.
Me: That sounds the most logical… just… I can’t help but believe that it, whatever it is, is iteratively guiding me and humans in general towards some sort of understanding.
To use the ant to human analogy, if we gradually introduced the ant to simple concepts within its grasp, then created a mini simplified scale, helped associate the ants actions with environmental outcomes, then adjust methods based on its feedback. Eventually, maybe some very basic symbolic communication could be established such as conditioning it to associate certain signals with food or danger. With repetition over long periods of times, it or generations down the line, it could evolve a higher understanding.
Troi: That could be the case. The possibilities are endless but I do want to navigate this back towards more, ahem, topics more suited for our session.
Me: Fair enough.
Troi: How your interactions with the kids lately?
Me: Officer Santino and I had a series of really contentious arguments. He’s generally a good kid but still has a lot to learn. Noah still has a lot of residual negative energy towards Bella for existing. Bella still fluctuates between being really sweet and not so much.
Considering what they’ve been through and our current living situation, I am fucken proud of them but I also know they’re not ready to be without me.
Troi: Anything on the relationship front?
Me: No.
Troi: How’s that make you feel?
Me: Eh. If something’s meant to happen it will. I’m in no rush.
Troi: How are things on Starbase 701 (work)?
Me: Middling. Could be better, could be worse. I enjoy when I’m able to make a substantive change in someone’s life. Given the nature of my work, clients sometimes are non-responsive. That is sometimes annoying but it is what it is.
Troi: Sounds like you’re handling everything else fairly well.
Me: Yeah
Troi: My 8 o’clock appointment is here. Don’t forget to mentally floss.
Me: *looks over at schedule posted on the wall that shows an open slot the rest of the day*
Hey, it says your free!
Troi: Your credit card statement will show otherwise.
*Troi taps her combadge*
Troi: One to beam up.
*Troi beams away*.
