It’s hard not to feel a sense of awe when looking into space. The stars and the expanse in between them are functionally infinite. Even Earth is big enough that no one can see all of it in one lifetime. I think what hurts my heart is the fact that most people are not privy to the sort of freedom that seems possible just above our heads. Instead, just about everyone is restrained due to various barriers that limit our ability to exist how we want.
I think the most common limitation is financial. Having to ability to spend one’s time how we want requires enough money to travel or even just stay home for longer than a weekend. If your health becomes impacted, your existence is drastically effected by the ability to pay for medical bills and medication. So just to have some freedom we also have to work. Ironically, in our pursuit of financial security that promises freedom, we become bound by the demands of work, trading our time just to buy back a sliver of autonomy.
Half of the world’s population will experience a mental health disorder. Based on my own experiences, I think an even bigger proportion of people have something wrong with their neurochemistry, their cognitive/intellectual processes, and/or their emotional well-being. So even within, there are these invisible chains that interfere with being able to live happily. They often arise from subtle social constructs that quietly shape our perceptions of self and well-being. There are many different types of societies, but ultimately all of them enforce rules, norms, and power dynamics. These restrictions become so deeply embedded that we believe we’ve chosen them ourselves, shaping our thoughts, feelings, self-image, and goals; unaware that their original intent was to uphold someone else’s agenda.
Even the wild west of the internet has become transformed into a place of propaganda, targeted algorithms trying to influence you by getting into your mind and a place to monitor you. What you see online is increasingly being shaped by external powers. And God only knows what the head admiral of Starfleet is going to do to increase control of the population since he now has power over the 3 branches of the Federation…
There’s so much more …family, friends, school, physical health, gender, geography, even the weather limit our possibilities. Lurking subtly in the background is the possibility that higher beings are also shaping things around us.
If you believe in spiritual things such as myself then you also have to wonder how much has God(s), angels, demons, the dead, nature’s spiritual influence, other sorts of beings positively or negatively influenced your life and those around you.
All this has me wondering, can I ever live freely or will I always be constrained by something else? Will death allow for true freedom or am I going to be subject to something else? Is it even possible to disentangle one’s self from everything in this life or the next?
Based purely on my own experiences and education, whatever this place is seems unusually interconnected and interactive. Clearly the objective can influence the subjective. It has taken me much longer to understand how my own subjectivity can influence that which seems objective. This world isn’t as static or separate as science would have you believe.
It feels almost like everything got turned upside down for me. Back in the day, I would not believe prayer would work because that almost sounds like saying you have telepathy! I really thought that the time that all the religious practices took were just sort of delusional waste of time. I kind of thought I had it figured out but come to find I had so much more to learn.
Hard to know for sure what visible and unknown forces are going to throw at me and what new challenges and rewards await. If life truly is a journey then I want to enjoy it and help others along the way so that their path may be a little easier. Kind’ve reminds me of this interaction between Q and Jean-Luc Picard:
Q: “You just don’t get it, do you, Jean-Luc?
The trial never ends.
We wanted to see if you had the ability to
expand your mind and your horizons.
And for one brief moment, you did.”
Jean-Luc Picard: “When I realized the paradox.”
Q: “Exactly.
For that one fraction of a second, you were
open to options you had never considered.
That is the exploration that awaits you.
Not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but
charting the unknown possibilities of existence”
Aside from all that, things have been okay. The kids have finally become consist with doing their chores. I feel like I’ve improved my work capabilities. Since a slight medication change, I haven’t felt moody at work and my energy has been improved. I think I made some major progress on the physics and spiritual front. My desire for validation has waned. The kids are still doing really well in Starfleet Academy. Noah and Bella are doing among the best of their class. Noah is currently at the very top of his. Bella seems to have come into her own since taking theater. Tino seems to actually love Isabella and has mentioned marrying her randomly even when she isn’t around. Seems like those 2 are gonna be together for awhile. Officer Tino has said that he doesn’t want to join Starfleet (go to college). I have suggested numerous times that he become a comedian since he is very funny. He’s still hesitant to pursue that route but ever since he was little he’s been hilarious and it would be a shame to not see him use his natural talent.
Going back to that scene, I genuinely feel like I’ve been trying to chart the unknown possibilities of existence. Really goes back to something I heard in my head once, “it’s much more fun to explore the vastness of possibilities than know the one static Truth. Do you really want all the answers?” It was weird because in that instance it really felt like I was being offered that opportunity to get all my questions answered but became quite afraid of what that would do to my hopes, dreams and theories. Really goes back to that simple adage about just enjoying the journey.