Captain’s Log, Stardate 08212021.4

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We arrived at Natoma 2 to gauge the planet’s water levels. The planet has been experiencing drought like conditions and our crew wanted to document how severe the situation was. Upon our arrival, it was quite evident that water levels are at a record low considering the location we beamed down to would normally be several feet underwater instead of being covered with grass.

During my time on the surface, when I wasn’t surveying the water table, I was deep in thought. I’ve been trying to reconcile my scientific inclination with my budding spirituality. For the most part, the two perspectives seem diametrically opposed to each other. Yet, I can not ignore the overwhelming anecdotal evidence I’ve experienced. The other problem I’m having is the fact that what I’m experiencing doesn’t conform neatly with the usual finding God narrative that is commonplace. I haven’t found it to be a uniquely positive experience that many talk about it being but instead, a flood of information that has been both positive and negative.

Perhaps I’m not conceptualizing it correctly. Usually there’s good and bad entities that are talked about in most major religions. Just… At least til this point I haven’t found anything that exactly matches my own observations and experiences. Whatever this is seems to have a dynamic personality that is both playful and a bit spiteful, loving and mean, provided me with some rather startling insights and misdirection.

As a starfleet captain, one that has a disposition towards a scientific perspective, I have questioned other captains regarding their experiences with the unknown. Aside from the outright skeptics, many talk about one or two experiences they’ve had that are not easily explained by current scientific understanding. Many times there are second-hand stories of miracles or other phenomenon. I guess the part that startles me the most is the fact that I’ve had many many different small and big experiences happen almost on a daily basis.

Perhaps the difference is that before I wasn’t really looking or really listening. I was caught up in doing my own thing. Flying around like a bee gathering my pollen. Nowadays I feel like my ship has been hijacked, like the picture I took of the dragonfly on top of the bee. I know now that I am being steered.. sometimes to a plentiful supply of pollen…and other times like my body is being dunked in water and I’m being deprived of air while the dragonfly enjoys a sip of water atop of me.

Still, knowing what I know now I don’t know if I would go back to being arrogantly ignorant about what is out here and it’s abilities. During the interim time between entries I’ve stopped going to The Seventh-Day Adventist Church. I didn’t care for its divisive message and the fact that I probably wouldn’t be able to integrate into that community anyway. As I finish this entry I find myself at a unfamiliar outpost (the Unitarian universalist church) just looking to connect then explore their perspectives.