As a cadet in Starfleet Academy, I somehow became obsessed with trying to understand the Truth of reality. At the time, I wanted to know why I couldn’t quite fit in with others and how to fix what was wrong with me in order to better fit in with my peers. I spent a lot of time feeling inadequate and lonely.
As I went into training to become a Starfleet captain at University, I somewhat overcame my internal issues and got a better understanding of how others operate. During that time I felt like I had an adequate understanding of how the universe operated and I went on to help people professionally while indulging personally. Until star date 05252020, I didn’t feel the need to further explore the nature of the universe as I felt that I had a good understanding of how and why things happened. Since then and perhaps a bit sooner, I came to realize that things weren’t quite the way I thought they were.
Nowadays, I find myself endlessly obsessed with trying to further understand the nature of reality once again. During this journey I thought I would find answers in spiritual texts or be able to rationalize my experiences via science. I also have come to trust my own analysis and observations instead of deferring to others. Nothing quite covers the fullness of my experiences.
As I dig deeper and deeper into metaphysics, I find myself fighting my own disposition to wanting to rationalize the irrational, to limit the infinite of the universe to the point where it doesn’t fully capture the essence. I guess a good analogy would be like trying to logically explain why something is beautiful. Sure, a case could be made for the human preference for symmetry; that certain shapes and compositions are innately provocative because how closely they tie in with things encountered in nature and because a given object may have qualities that we wish to possess. Yet, beauty is a subjective experience. No words can fully capture how you think and feel about something that you’re viewing.
Maybe the very thing that separates us from robots is our ability to have subjectivity. You and I can have the same input and come to very different interpretations. Yet, there is also a baseline objective reality. I guess for me…I’ve been trying to gather all the pieces and angles and make a coherent picture..and still…As I have come closer to having answers to some of my deepest held questions, I almost don’t want to have the journey come to an end.
Every new discovery has absolutely reshaped how I’ve seen things and I have had so much fun learning and getting to have new experiences. Just today, me and my daughter laid on the bed together and watched the sun illuminate dust dancing through a partially open curtain. At just the right angle, I was able to show her the brilliant colors that sparkle with a vibrancy that is impossible to describe. She turned to me and said, “That’s like the colors in my dreams”. By comparison, the rest of the color spectrum looks rather dull.
What I find fascinating is that even if we could see the entire spectrum, stars and the higher particles only make up 4.03% of the observable universe (a universe that may be much bigger than we can see.) Dark energy makes up 73% of the universe and dark matter comprises 22% of the universe. We are visible matter and energy. What is the the immense invisible matter and energy? What about that which our brains are not even adapted to see?
William Blake once stated, “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite”. What then can be done to further cleanse the doors of perception? How would seeing the infinite of the reality change us?