Captain’s blog: Stardate 03072022.5

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As a young officer, I used to aspire to become an admiral (manager). To me, working in management seemed to be an indicator that you were successful.. doing what you were supposed to in life. I always felt like I had some good ideas and that if I was in a position of power that I’d be able to enact some awesome changes.

Ladies,Gentlemen and all other gender identities, presenting: Officer Bella!

As I’ve become older, I’ve begun to see management as an unnecessary obstacle to the real changes that need to happen. From my perspective, the higher up one goes in the bureaucratic chain, it seems like it’s less about pragmatic substantive changes and more about presenting an image to those that have real power; those with money and influence.

Officers Bella and Tino gliding along the smooth surface of Rollerink 2

I don’t necessarily think that everyone in management is corrupt or not trying to do their best. I just think that it’s easy to lose sight of the real goal; which is to make life better for the workers in order to make them better at serving thier clients. If I’m going to go based on my own experiences, I would say the way management becomes an obstacle is by not solely being the embodiment of workers opinions… Instead, what seems to happen is that somewhere along the line, it becomes less about what the individuals underneath them want/need and more about what’s in the best interest of the person occupying the position in management. Career wise, it’s not very prudent to be an adversarial voice to what those above you see as important. Same thing happens in politics…

For now, I feel stuck. I’ve come to realize that what’s wanted out of me is my compliance not my opinion. If I keep expressing my thoughts aloud, I’ll probably lose my job. I have to either bite my tongue til it bleeds or stand up for what I believe. Yet, this isn’t a movie. Taking a stand seriously jeopardizes my efforts to move the kids out this shitty apartment and get a decent car and save money for a rainy day. At the end, no one really cares if I take a stand .. I’ll just be a passing mention if that…

As I look out my porthole, I feel a bit resigned. Aside from work stuff, I miss having a relationship where I talk daily with someone. I do have a 2 budding friendships that I’m cautiously optimistic about. I’m also a bit excited that I’ve made some decent gains in my singing ability. I’m far from good, but at least now there’s brief moments where I sound in tune …which is a huge step for me. One of the newest developments is that Bella has started singing with me. I think she sees how much fun I have with it and she started to embrace it herself.

One thought on “Captain’s blog: Stardate 03072022.5

  1. You’re doing great! Hang in there! As per managers, well, telephones need sanitizing now and then. And desks need papers pushed. Lol. Smile a bit more. Those three makes us rich. Love, Eric.

    Liked by 1 person

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