Captain’s Log Stardate 06182021

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Its been several days since I wrote a log entry. Once again, the quadrant has been affected by intense interstellar radiation (triple digit weather). With the conditions limiting my crew’s ability to explore the galaxy, we’ve spent a lot of time at Yamca 4 since they reopened their aquatic training program.

While on the planet, I can’t help but think of my late wife Michelle. We spent a lot of time together at Yamca 4. We discovered the planet almost 10 years ago. My entire crew learned to swim here and the inability to visit the planet during the pandemic was perhaps the biggest setback I dealt with because of covid. I’ve found myself having to redirect some of my thoughts while swimming in order to not get sad about the fact that she isn’t around to watch the kids grow up. I sometimes look at Bella and think about how Michelle would sometimes say, “I wish my brain was erased and I could have a new happy childhood” and I can’t help but to think about Michelle. First officer Bella looks remarkably similar to her (biological) mom and very much has a lot of her mannerisms and disposition. I sometimes can’t help but think that Bella is Michelle 2.0.

Aside from my time on Yamca 4, I’ve spent less time on the intergalactic dating exchange. As much as I’d like a partner to do activities with, I’ve mostly de-prioritized dating. I’m content just socializing with my crew. Nowadays, the rest of my socializing takes place online.

I continuously find myself drawn to wanting to be in a position to help someone. Given my aptitude for counseling, I usually end up trying to be a friendly ear and providing advice. There are times I’ve engaged adversaries, but as much as I enjoy educating and debating, I’ve learned that it can be fruitless sparing with individuals that aren’t arguing in good faith. Plus, as time has gone on, the fight in me has dissipated. A softness has pervaded my way of thinking. As a great many others have shown me love and support, I can’t help but want to emulate it. More and more I’ve come to understand that some may try to project negative judgements onto me, but ultimately I don’t have to let how their feeling affect how I view and feel about myself.