I never thought that I would get bored exploring the spiritual realm. The infinite possibilities in the universe used to permeate my mind on a regular basis. Though that journey is ongoing, I’ve deprioritized that mission in order to focus a bit more on taking care of myself and fostering relationships with those around me.
I’ve started to go to the gym again. I forgot how much I love swimming…if it can even be called that. What I do in the water would probably be more aptly be described as water gymnastics. I very much enjoy doing flips, twirls and dance moves while in the lane. My unorthodox way in the pool drew the attention of an individual by the name of Captain Leo. Leo engaged me in conversation by noting how he frequently notices me flipping around in the water (it seems to draw a lot of attention). We had a good substantive talk and by the end he asked me out to dinner! I was initially excited as he seems like such a decent guy.
My initial excitement turned to anxiety because I didn’t tell him I was trans. I then debated when I should tell him. I turned to Captain Alex and James (a coworker) to get some advice. Both agreed that I should disclose it sooner than later. I went online and that also seemed to be the consensus. I started to become sad because I was thinking, “He’s sorta traditional and a comment he made during our conversation made me think he was not open to that”. I braced myself for his rejection. I called him up and held my breath as I told him.
Leo was totally cool with it! I audibly exhaled and felt excited. It’s funny because I had genuinely given up on trying to date anyone. He had to postpone our date but it seems we’re set to meet up next week. I’m cautiously optimistic about Leo.
In other stuff, I’ve tried to reach out a bit more. I’ve tried to stay in regular contact with more people. I wish I could shake how I come off to others…I used to love being someone that was widely regarded as “smart as hell”. It’s a compliment but I’ve learned that it’s not really an endearing trait. I try to be pragmatically caring as well but because I’m slow to warm and not very effusive with my emotions.. it ends up creating distance. It doesn’t help that I’m not a big fan of large groups and I don’t have a bunch of wild anecdotes. Probably not a coincidence my 2 closet friends are online where social conventions and depth of conversation are a bit different than in person.