As meteoroids (raindrops) gently pelt the outside of my ship, I find myself thinking about the various individuals I have come across during my travels through the quadrant. During my younger days in starfleet academy, I used to believe that I was the only person that felt so alone. Experience has taught me that loneliness is a common feeling among many.
My line of work frequently has me interacting with some of the most distressed individuals. After all this time doing this work, I still find myself surprised by how much of a positive impact one phone call or home visit can make. I try my best to make each of the captains I come across feel heard and cared for…even if our time together is short. Still, working in the mental health field can be taxing emotionally.
I sometimes board my ship feeling absolutely drained and powerless to change the structural issues that cause so much misery to those I serve. The underclass and those that work with them rarely have their voices heard. Sometimes it feels like even the advocates are only talking among themselves as those with real power in the Federation remain disconnected from the realities on the ground. Some days I feel like screaming but then I remember that the vacuum of space doesn’t transmit sound.
Aside from that, I’ve continued to give Admiral Bill a chance. I am still quite ambivalent about him after all this time due to a number of things but I try to remember all the positives he brings and ultimately it more or less balances out. Life aboard the USS Zamora isn’t the easiest so I try to be mindful of that when judging him. Uncertainty also remains a theme when it comes to my spiritual beliefs.
When it comes to discerning spiritual things I feel like it’s really tricky. When something happens that seems related to me , it can feel like it is the universe or God or whatever trying to talk to me. Yet, the skeptic in me wonders if I’m just having ideas of reference. In psychology, ideas of reference are false beliefs that random or irrelevant occurrences in the world directly relate to oneself.
I used to believe that everything was random and that nothing related to me but a high number of coincidences seem to have occurred in close proximity in time to where it is difficult to ignore the correlation. Nonetheless, any scientist would be quick to point out that correlation is not causation, that an experiment must be independently repeatable and governed by proven laws of science.
It can be even harder to believe in anything outside of science because many religious folk seem delusional, uneducated and many times hypocritical. It almost feels like my perception is gaslighting itself. I get more than a little annoyed that the spiritual world isn’t objectively explicit. Not to mention all the rather contradictory beliefs others have ..if there is a modus operandi of the universe, why does it utilize so many different, conflicting methodologies?!
It is easy for me to remember why I didn’t believe in any religion for the majority of my life. Still…it’s hard for me to disbelieve my own experiences and theories. Part of why I spend so much time delving into science, history, sociology psychology, philosophy, world events, media and religious beliefs is to gather all the evidence together and evaluate it myself . I think I trust me…
Maybe it’s a fool’s errand to think one can undertake such a venture or assume anything can be learned via this crowd sourcing. Yet..each person has their own unique view of the world. No one person is or can be fully objective even when evaluating something objectively. Two people can taste the same food or watch the same show and come away with completely different experiences. There can be a consensus but sometimes even the consensus can be “wrong”. Sometimes everyone thinks a certain holonovel (movie) is really good but you watch it and it just doesn’t register with you.
As I’ve noted several times in the past, this entire journey has made me feel like I am simultaneously finding and losing myself. I can see so many different perspectives and it has created some internal dissonance and disharmony. At the same time, I feel a much more profound sense of connectedness with others. Everyone in some way not only has their own view but is living in a objectively different world. Part of my mission is to explore those varied worlds and bring help to those that ask for it. Along the way, I hope to share my world with anyone interested. I don’t know my final destination, but the journey has been fun!
7 thoughts on “Captain’s Blog: Stardate 04212023.6”
Excellent! Excellent 👍
I would be honored to wash the same show with your family.
Selah , veritas
I enjoyed the entry I just hate that you took one of if not my best friend away Right when things were starting to look up. It’s like you had to make sure things weren’t to good.
There’s 2 OO’s in Too.
That guy, (SMH)
Of. Jackhole reporting for duty, Captain!
Beat you to it, William