Traveling through time is an interesting experience. Although it’s not physically possible to go back in time, mentally I’ve revisited the past frequently. Throughout the course of my journey, I have met many different captains. Aside from family, I think about the various romantic interests I’ve had.
I think with Michelle I had some of my highest highs and lowest lows. I think of her as my childhood sweetheart because we were both pretty young when we met. It’s reasonable to assume that we probably would have still been together if she didn’t die. Since her passing, I rendezvoused with several other captains.
During different moments within the spacetime continuum, I gave some of my romantic confidantes some of the best moments of their lives, and vice versa. I shared a lot of the bad times on here but there were a lot of good small moments that are hard to capture in writing. People are complicated and I have no illusions about being able to accurately represent our relationships within my blog. End of the day, I can only try to fully articulate my biased perspective. Anyways, now I find myself dating someone new.
I met captain Xander on stardate 04262025. So far things have been going great. He has a really interesting vibe. A good mix of chill, smart, considerate and playful. I’ve been known to say that different people bring out different things in you and I like the fact that he brings out my playfulness. My usual disposition is somewhat intense and I can be difficult at times. It’s still early but I’m liking everything I’m seeing. The real challenges lie ahead.
The two main obstacles right now are distance and whatever sort of interactions will take place with the crew (kids). Ensign Bella shares my sweetness and fiestyness. Chief engineer Noelle is generally low-key but can also become rigid and upset. First officer Tino is the most easy going but has the highest potential to create serious issues. Captain Xander has experience working with kids as part of his duties working at Starfleet Academy (school). I am hopeful this experience helps mitigate possible issues.
I think the tricky thing about really getting to know a person is that there’s so many facets to consider. Some people talk a good game, some don’t represent themselves well verbally but take the right actions. Most I’ve dated serious have had good intentions but it just didn’t work out. In the past the finger would point outwards but now..I just think what can I improve. Some people clearly bring some bad traits in but I’m hopeful that the blame doesn’t fall primarily on me.
I’m not sure if it shows externally but have felt myself grow a lot internally. I don’t want to lose that progress and I’m trying to be mindful that I don’t let myself get knocked off-course by overly pursuing a relationship to the detriment of the crew. Xander is very cognizant and agreeable to the family first approach. The captain has stated that he has fallen very deeply for me. I’m not quite there yet logically but emotionally he has my heart fluttering. I’m not sure where this is going but I look forward to charting our course together everyday.
This was beautifully written. It’s clear how much you’ve grown and how thoughtfully you’re moving forward. I admire the way you reflect on your past with honesty and care. Wishing you continued peace and clarity as you chart this next chapter… your journey matters.