Captain’s Log Stardate 06022021

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The last few days the crew and I haven’t been on any away mission due to inhospitable conditions outside our ship. Our shields (air conditioner) have held off the intense interstellar radiation (triple digit weather) but has limited our ability to explore the quadrant. I’m glad that Starfleet Academy (the school) has opened up for 4 days of in-person instruction. I’ve always been of the disposition that cadets learn best in a hand-on environment. The holodeck (distance learning) is a good supplementary tool but can’t replace a live person.

As for myself, I’ve continued my exercise regiment. Swimming has been particularly therapeutic. I haven’t lost any more weight but I think I’m getting more shapely. I believe I am making progress on my body image dysphoria. I have focused less on weight and I’m eating a lot better. Aside from the loneliness, I am heartened to see the progress I’ve made on my mental health. Lately, I’ve tried to once again reintegrate into society and help others in various ways. I think I want to work part-time when the cadets return to academy from summer break. I will need to utilize the after-school programs and carefully balance my time and energy.

One thing that never changes is the conflict people find themselves in, even within the ranks of Starfleet. Trek Twitter should be a place where all captains unite under the principle of peaceful coexistence. Instead, as I’ve discovered, there’s a toxic undercurrent of disharmony lurking just underneath the surface. Just like in politics, I have a slight disposition towards one side of the argument over the other but my views have always been nuanced enough to where I don’t think that any one side has a monopoly on Truth. I’m always tempted to play arbitrator between the two sides yet I always remember that for the most part, they are talking at each other, not with. There’s no genuine wiliness to change their position; only say things that rally people who already agree with them. Thus, I mostly try to stay out of the discussion when various groups go at each other and instead tailor my messages specifically towards helping individuals. As I get to know more in the community, I wonder if eventually I’ll just withdraw completely or if I will grow to really love them.

I think my nuanced stand towards various things will ultimately stop me from being super popular. I have never done good in group settings. When I think of popular captains and admirals I am reminded of Regent Greg. He says things in a manner that is carefully crafted to appeal to the most people but says a lot of nothing when you probe him to elaborate. Or conversely, there’s the polarizing figures in the twitterverse, youtube and beyond that are unabashedly polarizing for various reasons. Some are just extreme individuals, others are just trying to cater to a niche for financial reasons. For me, I hope that whatever I’m putting out will only build up, not tear down. Yet at the same time, there are people out there trying to tear down and one is tempted to fire back. Someone has to stand up to “them”. Hell, I’m tempted all the time. Still, I have to remind myself that most aren’t interested in a dialogue. They don’t care what I have to say and I’m not really interested in preaching to a choir. I am always of the disposition that usually, real changes in views happen when two individuals come together and actually talk instead of one person ranting at a camera or sending off some fiery tweet. End Transmission