Captain’s Blog Stardate 08102022.4

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As a young cadet (kid), I was so eager to join Starfleet. Back then, I used to dream of making big changes that would make the galaxy a better place. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize that large substantive change is so much harder than I could’ve imagined.

Near the Truckee Expanse

At this point, I’ve come to accept that any positive contribution I can make will be on the microscale. Society at large will never sing my praises or acknowledge my abilities as I once secretly hoped for. Considering the superficial things that are praised in this society, perhaps that is a good thing. Even if there is no God or afterlife, I have found myself increasingly content with just making one person’s day a little bit better.

Asteroid belt near the Truckee Expanse

My legacy is mostly a secret legacy; much like everyone else’s. As small of an impact as I’ve had on this world thus far, I am comforted by the butterfly effect. Small changes can result in unpredictable big outcomes. My mom died thinking of herself as a mostly unloved nobody. Yet, her warm spirit continues to impact the lives of her friends, my extended family and inspires the crew of the USS Zamora to be better people. I hope she knows now how much she was loved and how much she meant to everyone.

M-class planet near the Truckee Expanse

Aside from that, I continue to dip my toe in the dating world. I reinitiated contact with Admiral William. Him and I have spoken at length. He’s quite intelligent and we have a lot in common but I am also reminded of his limitations. We’ve agreed not to commit at this time but continue to be in communication for now. I haven’t really pursued other options with much fervor. I’m sort of burnt out on dating and at this point I’ve been mostly content doing my own thing.

Officers Tino and Bella enjoy piloting the shuttlecraft

I am happy being with me. I would totally date myself. In the past, I wouldn’t want to date someone like me but I think I’m happy with how I am now. I frequently am finding joy in the little moments. Problems still annoy me but the negative effects on me are usually minimum. I no longer look at other people’s lives and wish they were mines. I wish I could save my progress right now just in case things went astray so I can return to this moment of relative peace. I need to remember things can be okay when I feel distressed. Everything can and will be okay.

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