Captain’s Blog: Stardate 02162022

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In Starfleet Academy (University), cadets (students) are taught to approach problems in a very methodical manner. The world is presented as a puzzle that has mostly been solved by others. The main goal for cadets at the Academy is to memorize the material presented to them and for them to be proficient in applying that information in a specific field after enough training. Some cadets even go on to build on top of the information taught and become known as experts in their field. The main flaw in this approach happens because academics are too quick to discard anecdotal experiences in favor of empirical evidence.

Officers Noah, Tino, and Bella taking Caitian Chris on an away mission for some field training

Conversely, there’s individuals that err too far on the side of intuition and mysticism. Some people have had experiences that made intuitive sense but weren’t logical decisions but were the right thing to do nonetheless. Others have spiritual experiences that steer them so far from science that they try to squeeze everything into one religious (or paranormal) paradigm or another. As a result, they can’t think outside of their dogma. Christians create a Christian science that “proves” everything fits into their system, other belief systems do the same. 

I can understand science’s disposition for ignoring anecdotal experiences and mysticism. They’re not reproducible. Self-reports can be unreliable. There are certain things that stretch plausibility. Though science is not without flaws.

If you squint hard enough, you can see the water sprite playing the rainbow like a piano

One of the fundamental issues with science is that it is impossible to independently verify all results. On some level, you also have to have faith in what others report. A good example of this is trying to see what the best restaurant is based on reviews on Google. In general, online reviews are a pretty good barometer for where to find a good restaurant but your experience may vary. Other times, there could be instrumentation error that isn’t easily discerned. 

The old fashioned mercury thermometers were prone to such calculation errors. If one of your children had a temperature of 101° (38c) and you laid down that thermometer and picked it up the next morning to calculate the temperature of your other child, it would also indicate that they too had a fever even if that wasn’t the case as the mercury wasn’t properly reset. Right now, within the scope of science there are literally millions of studies that rely on instruments and programming. Even if only 1% of those studies had instrumentation error that would mean that over 10,000 studies were invalid.  

Cadets Suki and Chris in their quarters

Another thing to take into consideration is the uncertainty principle within quantum mechanics. The Heisenberg uncertainty principle states that the position and the velocity of an object cannot both be measured exactly, at the same time, even in theory. Therefore, just because you think you’re measuring the same thing over and over again to produce a result doesn’t mean you actually are. Since we’re moving through time and space constantly, since there’s constant quantum variance within everything, one could never quite compare one moment or object to another and say they are exactly the same. Not to mention the fact that 1,000 people could be witnessing the same exact phenomena at the same exact time and come away with 1,000 unique experiences.

One thing I’ve learned as captain is to trust my instincts, be open to the possibility of being wrong and that objective truth isn’t so black and white nor is it all encompassing. I’m finally learning to truly value subjective experiences. I sometimes don’t even know what I’m driving at with this blog ….maybe all this is a retort to my past self…one that went from dogmatically religious to extremely atheist. Also, at some point I hope to share the details of what really happened to me to get me to this point and I feel like this almost illogical need to prove my sanity and lucidity. I’m almost scared to detail it…like I’m not supposed to…a part of me feels like I won’t get the chance to say it…

Random class-M planet

It’s almost funny to me because the evidence was staring me (and you) in the face the whole time. And if one day everyone will know everything about each other and why things are the way it is, I think it’d be hilarious…even as implausible as it may seem…this very blog is a deeply seeded nugget of a cause and effect paradox!  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. (runs off and laughs like a hysterical person!)

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 02022022.2

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As a seasoned captain, it can become easy to feel like you’ve seen it all. I’ve done so much research, reflection and had my share of unusual experiences to the point where I believed that nothing could surprise me. Yet, once again I find myself looking out into space reflecting on my recent experiences and trying to make sense of the bizarre.  

I’m having difficulty even writing out specifically what happened because I hardly believe what happened to my own self… I guess I’m actually a little bit shocked that I was able to observe evidence of a phenomena I long suspected and theorized about within my head but never discussed out loud. 

Our actions ripple through the universe, sometimes creating something beautiful

I think I’ll keep a few specifics to myself but I seen energy and matter interact in a way that shouldn’t be possible scientifically.. well…it doesn’t necessarily break what’s possible scientifically but definitely would require a type of technology I don’t think humans have… Seen it a few times thus I was sure it wasn’t a one-time trick of some sort and it happened various different ways.  

I immediately went to go ask my officers how much they trusted me because I considered sharing the specifics with them. Honestly I was a little bit surprised by the numbers they gave me when it came to my credibility. I guess I have to take into consideration the fact that their biological mom used to say some highly implausible things of her own and I wonder if they think the same about me because of the stuff I have implied… Possibilities that quite frankly sound straight out of science fiction. 

I just love this pic of Bella. The girl is so full of energy

I always taught my officers to be skeptical of all information so I suppose I accept that they should also be skeptical of what I say. Hell, I’m skeptical of my own perceptions and I’m fairly confident that I am of sound mind and not experiencing some sort of delusions or hallucinations. At this point, I’m less concerned about my mental well-being as much as I am wondering what to make of what I have seen.  

I guess I would say it’s not completely inaccurate to say I’m not concerned about my mental well-being. I’ve struggled to come to terms with what the true reality of things can be and what is possible. There’s possibilities that are both absolutely terrifying and exciting… I believe I’ve tasted a bit of both more so than most..  

He looks SO weird with big eyes!!!

I’ve frequently talked about spiritual experiences but I feel most are content to stop at some airy fairy concept that it operates almost magically…when I think of spirituality I always try to marry it back to proven and possible physical realities. Space is multidimensional. We already know that there’s more dimensions of space than we perceive, just parallel to us. Our dimensions and time must intersect with any entity that exists on a higher dimension just like we can see lower dimensions. 

If there is (and I think there is) entity (s) that exist on higher planes, they’re likely keenly interested on what’s going on in our dimensions because what we do would have an effect on them, even if just to a small degree. The quantum realm is indescribably small but nonetheless has effects on our lives. The energies we emanate via our life experiences maybe have a useful or damaging property to those on a higher dimensional plane.

 Hard to say if karma is directly caused by those on the higher planes cuz your life decisions impact them or if it’s just the other side of the equation. Newtons third law of motion states,” For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.” I’m also reminded of the butterfly effect. 

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. Our actions and possibly even just our thoughts can have orders of magnitude differences on the universe because we’re all interconnected on a quantum level. 

From now on, I am more careful about the actions I put out into the universe.  

The bridge crew

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 01222022.4

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Once again I was reminded that the galaxy could be a dangerous place to inhabit. While at Starbase 321 (work), I received a subspace transmission (text) telling me that two of my officers (my daughter Bella and my son Noah) tested positive for the galactic plague (covid). After receiving permission from my superior officer (supervisor) to leave Starbase 321, I flew over to pick up my officers. We then received orders from Starfleet command to remain in quarantine for several days.

I came across this door by sheer intuition. My car was parked in a parking structure on the second floor and something told me to look over the side instead of proceeding straight to my car. I glanced down and I thought to myself “What?! I don’t see anything” My intuition said, just look again. And I saw this and HAD to snap a pic of it.

The following day, officer Bella became quite sick while the rest of us only had mild symptoms. I began to worry about her because she only had her first covid shot and was due for her second shot 4 days after she tested positive. I started to become upset at myself for not being more diligent and ensuring that she got her second shot scheduled sooner. After that, I began to realize just how fragile my recovery really is and how much my mental well-being was linked to the health of my kids. I don’t think I could handle another major tragedy….not yet….thankfully, she recovered.

Not the most impressive picture but I just LOVE these sorts of trails where its windy and has tree overhanging especially when I don’t know what awaits me on the other side. Exploring nature helps me stay in touch with the curious kid within me.

If the worse did happen…I’d really have no choice but to somehow cope…I’d still have 2 other officers under my command. I think of Captain Eric and how he angrily yelled at God over the phone due to the recent death of his friend and I sometimes wonder if I’d have the same reaction to the passing of one of my kids. When my mom and wife died, I was still an atheist. I used to get angry at people insisting that ‘they were in a better place now’. I use to counter that the better place was here on Earth and in my family’s lives. Plus I felt that the spiritualists didn’t fully acknowledge my despair of having to deal with the finality of their passing. that I believe there is something more out here…my feelings are mixed.

Bella came across this interesting looking structure. After some hesitation, she knocked. No one answered but there did seem to be a presence there.

I’m still unsure how to reconcile my beliefs and experiences with objective reality. Absolutely horrible things happen everyday around the galaxy. Captain Eric likened God to an absentee landlord. I’ve heard atheists say that if there is a God that he is cruel and undeserving of our love or worship for allowing the injustices that happen on a daily basis. Though I’ve had some wonderful peak experiences, I also have experienced spiritual experiences that were terrifying. When I bring this up to some, they just assume my spirituality is part delusion, part coping mechanism and part some subconscious processes. Religious folk usually blame Satan or some other demonic deity(s) for the evil in the universe. When something bad happens, what is the reason?

A part of me wants to be parsimonious and say that the universe is random and thus there is no meaning. The second law of thermodynamics would seem to back that assertion in that the universe is physically becoming more random and disordered as time goes by. Logically, one should assume that the principle of increasing physical disorder and randomness would also manifest in our lives. And yet…

The first law of thermodynamics says that energy in a system can change forms but it is neither created nor destroyed. What this means is that things may change but its never gone. God or no God, spirits or no spirits, the universe and/or God(s) something within the very fabric of existence with the capacity for life always existed and will always exist. Everything we have ever done has created changes within time and space. Our current form may cease to exist but the very energy that makes our brains functions can’t be destroyed.

There’s a lot I love about this picture. The streaks by the sun, the large cliff in the background, the ducks just off in the distance. Just a 30 minute drive from home but a world away.

In of itself that doesn’t necessarily mean an afterlife or God or anything but that our information will exist in some form…possibly retrievable with some super advanced tech. Some would say that isn’t possible cuz of entropy but all equations can be reversed but I digress. I still hold out hope for the power of emergence.

Emergence occurs when an entity is observed to have properties its parts do not have on their own, properties or behaviors which emerge only when the parts interact in a wider whole. You are made of atoms, yet you have characteristics that behave distinctly different than atoms, or even the cells that make up your body. IF there is a God(s), spirits, etc, they must exist at least partially if not wholly exist within this universe or are able to interact with this physical plane. I theorize that God is an emergent property of the universe. Something about the components of the universe or multiverse work together to create an entity(s) that has properties that don’t exist within the universe. IF there is an afterlife, perhaps our existence will take on a different form.

We are composed of light and energy; that is how are brains work. That energy isn’t destroyed. If something out there could modulate that energy, it could create any sort of afterlife for you. Think about it, everything you know, see, have experienced, felt…its all just stored in the electricity of your brain. An advanced intelligence could therefore modulate your energy to make you experience anything, physics be damned. If we are existing in that advanced being, perhaps it is guiding the story. Like us, it may experience the same positive and negative emotions as us. In fact, if God is indeed the sum of the universe, it has to.

Why does it allow bad things to happen? I can’t say for sure but I’d guess because from bad good can emerge. So much of the universe is dictated by balance, from our biology to math. Perhaps the bad happens so we can appreciate the good and because balance is a fundamental property of the universe and possibly, God.

A lot of bad has happened to me but I hope to balance the equation by putting good into the universe. I think that is the true purpose of a peer support specialist; to show others in distress the other side of the equation. I don’t know where this journey will take me, but traveling the universe has never been about the destination.

“A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn’t reject anyone.
He is ready to use all situations
and doesn’t waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man’s job?
If you don’t understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.”
― Laozi, Tao Te Ching

Off the Record

(A more extemporaneous entry)

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After 2 and a half years of not talking with me, my dad called me. He called with the purpose of reiterating what he has already told me; which is to say that he accepts my transition but still remains firm in his belief that little kids shouldn’t be around someone that is trans gender because, “You wouldn’t take a little kid to an R rated movie”. During the call, my counter point to that was that kids shouldn’t be shielded from the truth that there is 8 billion different people and there’s going to be many different expressions of how each person lives their life. I further pushed the idea that individuals are going to become whatever gender or sexuality that they’re going to be regardless if they are exposed to a trans person. I also made the argument that his love for me should supersede any of that. In retrospect, I should’ve also made a case about that for the purposes of kids that never met me they don’t even need to know what is between my legs. I’m passable enough to where no one would question my gender presentation, I think?

Me getting ready to drive out

My dad and I also got into arguments revolving around his current involvement in my life (or rather his lack thereof). He tried to justify his is current absence by indicating that my brother and I were already adults and therefore we didn’t need him. I countered his position by reminding him of mistakes he made even at my age and how I could’ve used him especially once my mom and wife passed away. I stated that even if my kids were adults that I’d find a way to be around in their lives and I proceeded to chastise him on the fact that he doesn’t even know what his grand-kids even look like. My dad tried to explain how busy he’s been to which I reminded him of how little time and effort it took to show that he actually cared.

One thing he did that sorta got under my skin was that he tried to make a false equivalence between me being trans and his selfish choices. Essentially, the thrust of his argument was that I had no right to judge him because my choice to be trans is selfish as it makes others uncomfortable but nonetheless I do what I want with my life in the same way he chooses to be selfish with his. I shot back that my decision to transition doesn’t preclude me from being involved in the lives of my kids or in trying to help others. He also made reference to my mom and other departed family members as looking at my transition with disdain. I said, “I’m sure they’d have a whole lot more to say about the fact that you aren’t involved in your child’s life or that of your grandchildren. And when you die, no one is going to shed tears because the entirety of your life has been about pleasing yourself…even on Christmas you were with prostitutes instead of family. (this is true!) If there’s an afterlife and the Truth about you is known, what will the departed members think of you then?!” He promptly hung up the phone.

My birth certificate indicates that my father is unknown (long story). Biologically, I know Vince contributed genetic material to me but otherwise my birth certificate is accurate in the sense that I had no father. Shortly after my birth, he got heavily addicted to drugs and was committing all sorts of crimes. Thankfully, my mom left him and didn’t tell him where we moved once I turned 7. My only memories of him were of the abuse and fear he instilled in me. Six years ago my older brother re-initiated contact with him. At the time I had hoped that he reformed. Instead, he was the same immature selfish asshole bragging about having various girlfriends in different states. Aside from him, I do sometimes think about my decision to transition.

There’s an element of truth to the fact that my transition makes some uncomfortable. I’ve had to wrestle with the idea that I am taking a defiant stance both socially and spiritually. Even people that have been interested in me romantically have typically had a bit of hesitancy about the fact that I’m trans. Many worry about saying the wrong pronoun. And when upset, without exception, former romantic interests have dead-named me and referred to my birth gender as an attempt to attack me. I’ve also read a number of religious texts and most also don’t look too favorably on trans individuals. I have since been able to reconcile my way of life and what I believe to be true spiritually but nonetheless I feel like just living the way I am maybe is a defiant stance. I don’t see how it harms others other than forcing others to readjust how they perceive the world.

I look TERRIBLE here but Bella very much enjoyed matching outfits with me.

Besides that run-in with my biological sperm donor, not much has gone on. I’ve been spending a lot of my free time (especially at work) trying to sing. I’ve had some anxiety flare up while being around groups of people at work. It’s very peculiar because I’m perfectly relaxed engaging directly one on one and when I’m around groups of strangers. I guess part of it is that I don’t like engaging in small talk. Also, aside from being around family, I actually don’t have a lot of experience informally engaging in groups. My anxiety doesn’t flare up during meetings. Plus, I’d rather go outside and be in nature during breaks.

My dates continue to go poorly despite promising starts. I continue to be on and off with Eric. Sometimes he could so reassuring, sweet, romantic, insightful…there’s moments I think I could overlook his many flaws and marry him….then he says something so purposely insulting that I can’t help but feel that he’s intentionally trying to upset me. And I always end up talking to him again because he’s the only person that really knows me, at least pretends to care and I could talk to as a friend. Brandi could almost fill that role if she wasn’t emotionally volatile just about every time I talk about a romantic interest. She’s off at a rehab and hopefully fully recovers.

This random dog came up to me when I walking around the field near work. I was going to take him to get some sort of help then someone whistled from afar and the dog bolted.

I know the entry is getting a bit long and meandering but I really just needed to get everything out of my system. It’s been awhile since I wrote a raw entry. I feel a bit better just having written it out. Thanks for reading. Knowing that someone will read this makes me feel a bit less alone and that means a lot to me.

Doesn’t look like much but its become a favorite destination for me during lunch.

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 12212021.2

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The ability to meet one’s future alternate self is usually only considered to be something that takes place in science fiction novels. Yet, on my latest away mission, I found myself talking to a distressed retired admiral (senior citizen) that had some remarkably similar life experiences and feelings which had me thinking about how my future could turn out.

First contact with this alien lifeform (I tried to photoshop Noah holding the cat out of the pic and it came out horribly but you get what you paid for!)

Retired admirals (senior citizens) share a lot of commonalities. Many retired admirals were hard working educated professionals, loving parents, and good people that for a variety of reasons end up alone and financially destitute nonetheless. The more I’ve explored the galaxy, the more I’ve come to realize how cruel the universe can be. Many say the worse thing going on right now is the galactic plague (covid) but the real scourge afflicting more people is loneliness.

Officers Noah and Bella out on a speederbike with Cadet Shadow on his first away mission

I think about my future and I wonder if one day I’ll also end up adrift alone in orbit around some random celestial body with nothing but time to look back on my life with a mix of gratitude and regret. Then there’s the other indignities of aging such as the increasing physical limitations, the loss of independence, cognitive decline and not being able to be useful. I’m beginning to wonder if being able to live long is indeed a blessing or a curse.

Officer Noah out on a spacewalk

For now, I hope to make the most of what I do have. I’m grateful to be working in a field that allows me to provide help to those that need it. For much of my life I feel like I’ve been a net taker…I hope that by the end of my time here that I will have put out more than I have taken. I want to be the person I used to wish I met when I was younger. I used to pray that someone would intercede in my life and save me from the misery I was experiencing. I think that prayer was finally answered in a way and now I find myself wishing to pay it forward.

As Captain of this vessel, I am always ready to lead the way!

It’s impossible to know precisely what the future holds but I hope to mitigate the bad by taking steps to avoid some of the bad possible outcomes I’ve encountered while trying help those that are in difficult situations cope with the issues they are facing. I sometimes wish that the enemy was something tangible that could be destroyed with more ships, photon torpedoes and phasers. Instead, the real enemy is insidious and cloaked. As we speak, I am arming my brain with as many resources as I can in order to help others (and myself) take on this adversary. Who’s with me?!!

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 12122021.2

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While serving on Starbase 321 (work), I was reminded that one’s fortunes can change in an instant. My commanding officer (supervisor) was fired. One of the few constants in this galaxy is that change is inevitable. Impermanence is generally a good thing because the universe would be boring if it were always static. The possibility for change also provides hope for those in a bad situation. However, change can also be a terrible thing.

Officer Tino practicing evacuation procedures

Right now I’m really content with my current situation. Everyone’s healthy, the finances are stable and I like the field I’m working in. Things could always be much better but it almost feels greedy to want more when I have everything I need. The scary part is that something terrible can happen so suddenly and be irreversible. Though I’m in a good place, the fact that things can change SO quickly and dramatically causes me anxiety. My emotional well-being can be taken away with one event. I wish there were save points in life.

Sometimes life comes right at you

My mindfulness training has helped me try to live in the now as opposed to worrying about that which I cannot control and the things that have already occurred. I think sometimes I seek out a partner because I want someone that can provide that reassurance. I find myself looking for a partner that could protect my physically and mentally; an individual that is intelligent, emotionally stable, financially prudent. I doubt I find that…it feels like I’m going to be stuck having to provide for myself.

Officer Bella taking the officer readiness course

I’m trying to stay strong. Not only do I serve as captain of the USS Zamora but need to be a strong support for the distressed captains (clients) I interact with. I hope as I continue to explore the quadrant that I find a kindred spirit; a captain with similar inclinations, enjoys my company and always has time for me. The caveat to that is that I will need to find time for them too..time is a commodity that I have in short supply. My energy reserves are also somewhat depleted as well so hopefully I can find a way to make the most of what I have.

An officer should always be ready for the unexpected

Friendships and relationships are so hard to foster as an adult. Many people have their time already allocated and then there’s some individuals that are better not associating with. As much as I would like companionship, I’d rather be alone than deal with someone that constantly creates conflict and/or is only with me so that they can take advantage of any (rather limited) resources I have.

Though I have friendly coworkers, I mostly keep a bit of distance. Previous experience has taught me that no matter how awesome and close one works with colleagues, it only lasts til the assignment is over. I’d rather not build something up that will slowly fade like it has in the past. I still find myself thinking about several old coworkers…at the end, it seems most people end up with only a small crew to accompany them through the journey that is life. Hopefully, I find one more to join me aboard the USS Zamora.

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 12092021.4

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As I explore the moon (nearby field) by Starbase 321 (work), I find myself thinking about the commonality I share with the objects around me.

There’s a false distinction between that which we are and our surroundings. We see the things around us as distinctively different when in fact most things have so much more in common with us than our eyes and other senses would indicate. Scientists have found that we are mostly empty space, like the objects which surround us. We also inhabit much the same atoms and molecules, especially when it comes to carbon based life. We’re just a slightly different configuration of essentially the same thing.

As humans, we are so similar it’s kinda funny how we emphasize the miniscule differences. We have different philosophies on what the main problems with each other and the world are but underneath it all we essentially want to feel the same things though some solutions are empirically better than others. Though empiricism is important when it comes to achieving goals in this realm, I’ve begun to truly appreciate subjective experiences. If my biology was different, if I were raised by different parents in a different place and time, I wouldn’t be me. The classical definition of psychology is the study of the human mind and behavior. I like to think of psychology as the study of alternate versions of me.

Thinking of people as different versions of myself makes me more empathetic to the struggles that people go through. It also makes me interested in their various views on reality and different experiences. As far as I know I’m only going to be able to live once but through the experience of others it’s almost like I get to live 1000s of times. I wish I could meet individuals from other time periods to see how that era’s paradigm shaped thier self concept and how they viewed the world. I guess the closest I could get to that is reading historical texts.

I wonder how developments in the future will shape how we view ourselves, others and the world around us. I hope we have a fundamental shift in how we relate to one another and the world around us. One day, most of our atoms will blend into that future world after we draw our last breath. Thinking about how some of the world around me now is composed of the dead makes me view the inert items around me in a different light

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 12062021.8

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I went on my first away mission with my work crew. During the ride in the shuttlecraft (car), the conversation was lighthearted. The specific details of the mission are classified per orders of Starfleet Command. I will say that the mood inside the shuttlecraft was somber once we were flying back to Starbase 321 (work). As I stared off into space, I started to reflect on the ways I interacted with those under my charge (my kids).

Officer Bella enjoying the light display and rolling fog

I think that it is the hope of every captain (parent) that their crew become functioning members of society. I think many captains err either on the side of being too punitive or too permissive. As a result, many adults end up with maladaptive behaviors and an unbalanced neurochemistry.

Officers Bella and Noah enjoying the light show

It’s difficult interacting with captains that have an unbalanced approach towards their crew. Most end up entrenched in a certain viewpoint and have trouble admitting the inadequacy in their method. Even when realizing thier shortcomings, many have to difficulty implementing necessary changes that would improve their life and those under their command.

Hidden Class M moon behind Starbase 321

I don’t think I’ve described exactly what my job duties are. So basically when the cops get called into a mental health crisis situation they typically deescalate the situation and then link us to the individual. Like the USS Cerritos, we initiate second contact. Our role is to assess the situation and the person’s mental health by conversing with the individual over the phone or in person and connecting them with resources. During the interactions, spot counseling usually happens in one form or the other. We also do follow-ups and referrals.

Starbase 321 (work) visible in the distance

As I continue to go on additional away missions, I can’t help but wonder how passable I am ? There is a logistical concern because some people may not be that comfortable talking with a trans individual, especially in their home. Additionally the clients that we do take on have mental health challenges and therefore are far more likely to become unstable.

Another thing I’m unsure of at this time is whether or not my coworkers know that I’m trans. I think that everyone there seems pretty easy going so I don’t think it’s a big deal but I am curious. One very small comment made during one of our meetings made me wonder if she knew or not. I let one co-worker see my blog and my supervisor now so I figure it’s only a matter of time. I’m not sure what to think about them reading my blog but I don’t have anything to hide. I guess it is a bit of a gamble. It could be something that affects me negatively or conversely creates a tighter bond. Time will tell.

My energy reserves are quite depleted and I can’t wait to recharge during the weekend. As I plot a course to my next mission, I can’t help but wonder what the future will hold but things are looking up for now.

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 11302021.6

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The crew (kids) and I have been quite busy this week. Our away mission to the Francisco sector was quite successful in providing some respite for the crew and I. It’s not often that Federation dignitaries (my extended family) get together. It’s a nice reminder that our crew isn’t alone in the quadrant. Unfortunately things did not go well with other long term allies Captain Brandi and Chancellor Eric.

Captured this great view while riding the polar Express

As a representative of the Federation, I try to reach out to other civilizations (people) in order to have peaceful relations. Yet, in most relationships with others there’s typically an inflection point in which individuals either grow closer or conversely grow apart. The trajectory of both of those relationships has been on the decline for a while but during separate incidents each of them has opened fire in a way that won’t be tolerated. I don’t mind having differences of opinion but when it comes to continuous name calling and other toxic behavior, I draw the line.

The crew and I out near the Francisco Expanse

If anything, I probably should have drawn those lines much much sooner but I probably give people too much slack. I try to be a forgiving person and I try to acknowledge my mistakes but I think that if someone else is constantly blaming you for their volatility and continues in their hostility, then you cut off subspace transmissions. (block them)

First officer Bella embracing her cousin while her other cousin smiles in the background

Aside from that I have begun my new position as a Federation counselor (sorta, it’s more social workish). The other captains that I work with seem really awesome and I’m optimistic that this is something I could stick around with for a long time. In a little while, I’m going to go on an away mission to meet with a client in need in order to link them with Federation resources.

Officer Noah stares pensively into the vastness of the Francisco expanse

I feel like I’m a cadet back in Starfleet Academy (college) again. There’s a lot that I don’t know and for now I’m undertaking a lot of training and learning a lot of new things. As much as I like the process, I can’t wait til I have mastery over my position.

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 11252021.5

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The crew is in a festive mood this Thanksgiving day morning. As I prepare my officers for an away mission, I am mentally taking stock of the things I am grateful for. I think it’s easy to take for granted the things one has and to start to cast your eye at the stuff you want and the problems you’re facing. During our mission briefing, I want to reiterate to the crew to be appreciative for that which we have.

Officer Noah commandeered this vessel

I remember back at the Academy when I was studying psychology, one of the most effective ways to tackle depression aside from therapy and medication was a gratitude diary. I think one of the things that people take for granted the most is their health. Usually, it takes an illness or some other failing to appreciate how awesome it is not to be living in pain. Additionally, I think we don’t appreciate the health and existence of those that care for us until something happens to them, then all of a sudden all the little petty things that upseted us previously fall by the wayside.


One thing I will say is that the galactic plague (covid) will leave a lasting impact on everyone once it’s over. I don’t think we as a society appreciated being near one another. Heck, I didn’t appreciate how nice it was to not have a mask constantly obstructing my breathing whenever I go in public. I think we started to become too comfortable being apart from each other and communicating via devices. As we gather today, I’m glad to have others that welcome me and my crew onto their ship. The Federation isn’t at war and the food will be plentiful. It could be a whole lot worse..

Ensign Shadow takes a profile pic

As I set course for our mission, I want to wish everyone a Happy Treksgiving. LLAP.

Officer Bella braces for some turbulence on her escape pod as the vessel spirals towards the planet