Captain’s Log, Stardate 07032021:

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After picking up some supplies from the Raley outpost (store) in the Wesac (city) solar system, we discovered another class M planet (a park) in the adjoining Solpor (city) star system. We then decided to orbit the planet after our initial probe sent back this lovely image.

My first officer took an away team to get a closer look at the unique geographic features.

My badly photoshopped pic of Bella on a “shuttlecraft”

The planet has several unusually small caverns as well an unorthodox labyrinthlike arrangement of iron ingots. The crew proceeded to take some soil samples before concluding their work.

The crew and I rested on the dock for a bit before returning to our shuttlecraft (the car). On our way back to the ship (home), I was asked the uncomfortable question of when or if we were gonna one day gonna have a nice Galaxy class ship (house). I attempted to redirect the question by indicating that our Miranda class ship (apartment) had all the necessary amenities that a crew needed. Then of course, the question shifted to what if. As captain, I don’t like engaging in what if scenarios. The future is unpredictable. I’m typically pessimistic mostly as a defense mechanism about getting my hopes up but I don’t like to share that with the crew. Instead, I indicated to the crew that a galaxy class ship would be nice but emphasized that my priorities are more focused on how well we work as a crew and completing any missions (responsibilities) assigned to us by Starfleet.

Back aboard the ship (at home), I was contacted by General Brandi of the Klingons and later, Captain Eric of the Whiskians. Brandi and I are barely on speaking terms but I have tried to go out my way to be forgiving and friendly. Supposedly, her shipless “friend” took some items of worth from Brandi’s ship while she was in the Alpha Quadrant (at my place) and took off. Additionally, we once again went back and forth as to why we don’t get along. I don’t want to be closely aligned (get back together) with the Klingons. I can forgive the past, but it does not mean I don’t learn lessons from the past and keep my distance from hostile civilizations (people).

Speaking with Captain Eric is always a bit of a surreal experience. Just the way he carries himself over subspace (the phone) , it’s very different than the dynamic I have with anyone else. Chancellor Greg refers to him as Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde and it serves as shorthand for what I should expect from the captain. Today I mostly got to speak with Dr. Jekyll. Eric was lucid, funny, poignant and sweet. Just describing the dynamic between Brandi and I to him, I couldn’t help but realize how unhealthy it is. Like I told Eric, I was just having a case of pon farr (horniness). Still, I can’t help but think I opened a door to something I shouldn’t have. Brandi has strong feelings for me but they are unrequited….As for Eric, I’m at an emotional stalemate with him as far as I’m concerned until I meet him in person. He’s a good, if at times volatile, friend and that’s what we’ll continue to be until further notice.

Aside from them, I did have a bit of a skirmish with Ambassador Ray. For the sake of our uneasy alliance (friendship), I will be opaque about the specifics of the disagreement. Getting into a skirmish with the ambassador is very different than with others as he doesn’t come in with weapons armed and shields raised (isn’t outright hostile). Instead, it’s like having a disagreement with Garak; there’s a lot of subtext ,implications and plausible deniability. For a moment early on, he tried to turn the disagreement into a wider conflict that would’ve dragged others into the dispute but wisely unsent some of his subspace transmissions (texts). He never did officially concede the point but did back down. I was quite tempted to post the log of our conversation as it would shine a very different light on him. Posting the logs would’ve nuked our alliance though and end of the day I still am optimistic that our alliance is a slight net positive. Plus, I rather not bring negativity to others if I can help it.

Lastly, I need to remember to stick to the main mission objectives as outlined by Starfleet. I’ve let myself get sidetracked by others and need to stay focused. I have a major presentation before the Daystrom Institute (the IDIC podcast) on the 17th and other responsibilities I am tasked with completing. Time to raise shields, get to work and only respond to priority one transmissions.

Captain’s Log Stardate 06302021.6

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I was in my quarters when I was hailed (called) by General Brandi of the Klingon Empire. The general (my ex) requested permission to pass through Federation space (she wanted to come over). Given our past skirmishes, I was leery but was open to trying to reestablish diplomatic relations (be friends) especially due the fact that the sibling of the Klingon, Admiral Steve, was hospitalized due to a heart condition at a nearby Federation medical facility.

The crew was briefed on the arrival of General Brandi and had mixed reactions. As the IKS St’wer (her car) docked, I began to second guess myself. As much as both of us have tried to get along, we mostly have ended up exchanging weapons fire (arguing) after too long. Things started out rough. First officer Bella was not pleased seeing Brandi on our ship (in my room); she immediately pulled out a phaser and opened fire on the Klingon. The general took out her bat’leth to deflect the blast and seemed poised to engage in battle but withdrew to her vessel before things could escalate. (They began to argue) I wasn’t too pleased because I wanted to formalize a peace treaty. Though my first officer did initiate the skirmish, I felt a bit upset at Brandi for not having a bit more composure and adeptness at dealing with my officer. The general later voiced the opinion that I should’ve reprimanded my officer more harshly in order to discourage insubordination. I took their advice under consideration but ultimately didn’t want to come down hard as it would look like I was taking sides instead of mediating.

As we sat down for negotiations (to talk), Brandi shared with me that she was once again on the ketrical white. I wasn’t thrilled about it but I appreciated her honesty. The thought of using ketrical white has crossed my mind but thus far I have remained strong. Later, our conversation shifted to clothes. The general is very much into fashion and always has an abundance of new outfits. As more time passed, well….a touch of pon farr (horniness) afflicted both of us! At first I just wanted to cuddle…but decided to just go for it.

The morning after, Brandi and I did our own chores seperately. I thought Brandi would go visit her brother but couldn’t. When the general did return, she got into it again with Bella. I talked with Bella in order to reassure her and then decided to go to Yamca 4 (has a pool). I was a bit surprised that Brandi wanted to go. Nonetheless, we go in separate vessels to the planet to swim. Bella and Brandi seemed to get along well. After the swim, dinner was made and Brandi and I decided to go out to the Badlands for drinks.

Being in the Klingon ship (her car), I felt like I had entered a temporal anomaly. It felt like old times, both good and bad. I put on my music and began to sing. Like old times, she began to try to redirect my attention by asking me irrelevant questions to engage me. Usually, when flying through interstellar space (on the freeway), I prefer to sing. The General prefers conversation. I know she isn’t a fan of me singing over the music but well..whatever. Aside from that, we had a good time…or maybe it was the fact that I was rather drunk after having several servings of Klingon ale! Whatever the case, things were jovial by the time we left Quarks bar.

The general stayed for another stardate then woke up early to do some more errands. Brandi still hasn’t been able to see her brother. Brandi and I still have some old disagreements that came up this afternoon about what led us to breaking up. She still wishes to join the Federation (get back together) though thus far I have rebuffed the Klingons. I think an uneasy alliance with an ahem, trade agreement (fwb), is probably the best course of action for now at least until I find a more suitable partner to admit into the Federation.

Aside from that, nothing much else to note. I haven’t heard from Captain Eric since our skirmish. I did tell the Whiskian that I just couldn’t endure anymore volatility from him and that I didn’t trust him. A face-to-face meeting could resolve things but for the time being, I’m not going to spend credits on flying halfway across the galaxy (the country) to see him. I’m still trying to find the credits to show up to the Star Trek Las Vegas festival taking place in August. At this point, I think I can possibly go; assuming nothing drastic happens financially.

Captain’s Log Supplemental:

General Brandi read my log and became upset. I moved to reassure Brandi but she wasn’t comforted. Brandi wasn’t pleased by the fact that I didn’t write more fondly of our time together and was upset that I said that I wanted to find a more suitable partner. The general left Federation space (my area) and then called later. Old arguments resumed and after the Klingon kept cutting off communications (kept hanging up on me) I blocked their subspace transmissions (their phone calls) from reaching my ship.

I sometimes question whether I should be sharing my logs with individuals that know me in real life as it has caused issues before. On one hand, I want people to know me on a deeper level and I try to be honest about my feelings here. On the other hand, my honesty has costed me at times. For the time being, I will still continue to share my logs but I’m definitely going to be a bit more cautious with whom I share the entries with.

Completely irrelevant to anything but I found this dress and I don’t have anyone to gush about it with irl so yeah. It’s too small, I need a seamstress to fix it but my god I just love it. Idk where I would wear this to but imma find an excuse now that I got it,.and it only costed $10

Captain’s Log Stardate 06272021.9

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First officer Bella has temporarily been reassigned to the USS Martinez. That ship, commanded by Captain Vanessa, is undertaking an archeological study of the Mugato at SanFrans4. The crew has already published some preliminary findings which are challenging the Daystrom Institution’s previous assessment that the Mugato are always hostile to humanoids.

Given that my first officer isn’t here, I’ve had more time to reflect back on the past. During my time as a cadet in Starfleet Academy, I had a lot of difficulty connecting with other cadets. I used to look jealously at various groups and long for the sort of joviality and closeness that seemed to come so naturally for them yet eluded me. I use to hold out hope that one day, once I graduated from academy, that I’d somehow find a group that I belonged to. At the very least, I hoped to command my own ship and have my own crew to do things with. Sure enough, I was granted command of the USS Zamora over 13 years ago with the birth of Commander Tino and it’s turned out better than expected. Still, my issues connecting with peers have persisted.

I’ve had a number of run-ins recently with several other captains. My renewed vigor to take on forces hostile to Federation values has resulted in some strained relations even with allies. Additionally, Captain Eric and I haven’t been on good terms. The Whiskian opened fired on my ship without provocation and I fired back; temporarily disabling his disruptors and communication array. Eric is under a high degree of stress but that still didn’t justify his attacks. He subsequently apologized but next time he is in communication range, I will approach his ship under yellow alert. If I see him diverting power to his disruptors again, I will bring the bare the full force of the USS Zamora down on his ship. Thus far, I haven’t allocated weapons to max. Time will tell.

When I see this, I can’t help but think about a UFO launching site or UFO ship-building facility

One surprising development that happened recently was that I was re-invited to the United Commerce Coalition (a star trek chat room). Last time, I left the UCC in protest because I disagreed with the admittance of a specific civilization into the coalition. Also, I had some private disagreements with Ambassador Ray which, haven’t really been resolved per se but his pleasant disposition makes it easy to ignore. Aside from that, I do enjoy the group dynamics in general. We had some fruitful and entertaining conversations over voice chat. That, and my growing connection with Captain Scrappy and more broadly with Trek Twitter, has made me feel heartened and hopeful for the future.

Captain’s Personal Log

Religion, like any large assemblage of people, usually just ends up being used by those in leadership positions to pursue their own agenda under the guise of doing it on behalf of everyone else. Typically, only narcissist and thier sycophants/enablers are even able to get into those positions. Of course, there has to be token gestures of good/charity to maintain the support of the masses and to deflect criticism.

Additionally, in a number of countries, religion is monitored and even influenced by state actors to maintain their own power and prevent an insurrection. China is especially well-known for this. Modi in India also used religion to establish his influence. Thus, just based on those 2 counties, more than half of all humans have thier beliefs being influenced by secular forces. The right wing party here in the US also typically appeals to religion in order to maintain their career as politicians.

Now that in of itself is concerning. And then there’s science. Science has narrowed the scope of what could be caused by divine forces. From quantum mechanics to chemistry to geology, to biology, to astrophysics and the development of the universe.

Additionally, the way religion works is they start out by appealing to ur basic needs and by mostly saying true statements and interweaving those with dogma. Soon, many have trouble disentangling Truth from religion. And that for the most part lead me to being atheist, for 15+ years. I was quite sure this was a logical manner in which to analyze it all

I will say that I am no longer an atheist. I have at the very least experienced some form of advanced technology that is capable of things that are the stuff of science fiction. Now, one explanation could be that I have some sort of damage or misfiring in my neurotransmitters that has cause me to perceive something that isn’t happening in objective reality but nonetheless feels real because all we know is that which we perceive in the brain and if it brain is damaged, then ergo, u can’t trust it. And one can’t necessarily objectively evaluate their own mind. Thus I have to be open to that possiblity.

However, I do believe I am objective and lucid…and if it isn’t some advanced tech then it’s something happening on a spiritual level. In fact, I find it easier to talk about such things in that manner as it requires less objective proof when discussing it with others and given that many others have also had anecdotal experiences that parrelelled my own, I can’t easily dismiss the experiences of others that believe what they do

Captain’s Log Stardate 06202021

I set out for an early rendezvous with Trill (trans male) Counselor Godwin at Riverton 3. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the counselor as I had limited communication with the Trill before meeting (as friends). Usually, I do a lot more vetting of individuals I meet from the intergalactic dating exchange especially given that we didn’t meet in public location per se. Still, I’ve grown to trust my ability to assess others and felt safe meeting at Riverton 3. As we began our walk, we came across this memorial.

Directly opposite of the memorial was some baptism taking place in the distance. I was unable to discern what the letters spelled out but it appeared to be a proper name. The baptism seemed to foreshadow the spiritual conversation Godwin and I would have just shortly thereafter.

I’m always somewhat vague about the specifics when it comes to talking about my transition from atheist to a spiritual person. Its been a deeply personal journey that I always feel a bit uncomfortable talking about because I can’t objectively prove the various experiences that got me to this point. In fact, I still have a tad bit of skepticism about the very nature of the experiences I’ve had. I hope to one day be able to fully elaborate on them in the book that I look to finish writing. Once everything is meticulously detailed, my vagueness will make a lot more sense. After talking at length about his beliefs and mines, we also talked about being trans, raising children and what we’re looking for in a partner.

Godwin is probably the closest I’ve found to a peer in a long while. The counselor is quite emotionally mature and spiritually attuned. I think he’d make a great addition to any crew. That being said, we met under the condition of friendship because he is still technically married and is looking for a polyamorous relationship. I’m only looking to have one commanding officer and I’d rather not compete for the captain’s attention. I could see in his eyes during a moment of vulnerability that there’s still some emotional attachment to his wife; if only an attachment to what could’ve been as opposed to what is. With him going through a divorce, trying to get a doctorate degree and his other responsibilities, a friendship is probably the only dynamic he’d have for someone such as myself. I actually was a bit surprised that our interaction stayed entirely platonic; at some point I expected a subtle pass or compliment but our time came to a close without any flirtation occurring. Going forward, I do look forward to following Godwin’s journey and building our friendship.

The rest of the stardate was delightfully uneventful. I watched some Star Trek on the holodeck and rested. The crew was peaceful the entire day! I almost forgot I was a captain except for the bit of time I devoted to making dinner.

Captain’s Log Stardate 06182021

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Its been several days since I wrote a log entry. Once again, the quadrant has been affected by intense interstellar radiation (triple digit weather). With the conditions limiting my crew’s ability to explore the galaxy, we’ve spent a lot of time at Yamca 4 since they reopened their aquatic training program.

While on the planet, I can’t help but think of my late wife Michelle. We spent a lot of time together at Yamca 4. We discovered the planet almost 10 years ago. My entire crew learned to swim here and the inability to visit the planet during the pandemic was perhaps the biggest setback I dealt with because of covid. I’ve found myself having to redirect some of my thoughts while swimming in order to not get sad about the fact that she isn’t around to watch the kids grow up. I sometimes look at Bella and think about how Michelle would sometimes say, “I wish my brain was erased and I could have a new happy childhood” and I can’t help but to think about Michelle. First officer Bella looks remarkably similar to her (biological) mom and very much has a lot of her mannerisms and disposition. I sometimes can’t help but think that Bella is Michelle 2.0.

The face he’s making lol

Aside from my time on Yamca 4, I’ve spent less time on the intergalactic dating exchange. As much as I’d like a partner to do activities with, I’ve mostly de-prioritized dating. I’m content just socializing with my crew. Nowadays, the rest of my socializing takes place online.

I continuously find myself drawn to wanting to be in a position to help someone. Given my aptitude for counseling, I usually end up trying to be a friendly ear and providing advice. There are times I’ve engaged adversaries, but as much as I enjoy educating and debating, I’ve learned that it can be fruitless sparing with individuals that aren’t arguing in good faith. Plus, as time has gone on, the fight in me has dissipated. A softness has pervaded my way of thinking. As a great many others have shown me love and support, I can’t help but want to emulate it. More and more I’ve come to understand that some may try to project negative judgements onto me, but ultimately I don’t have to let how their feeling affect how I view and feel about myself.

Captain’s Log Stardate 06122021

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My crew and I were set to rendezvous with other Starfleet Academy cadets (other students) at Ragwat 6 to attend a birthday party. My anxiety was quite high because I hadn’t presented as female to my oldest son’s middle school friends. I wasn’t worried as much about what they’d think of me; I was more concerned with the ramifications it could have for my crewman as he returned to Starfleet academy. I scheduled a meeting in the observation lounge in order to brief my crew and to assess their thoughts and feelings with me presenting as a Trill (trans). The crew was supportive and prepared for any negative repercussions. I was quite nervous as we touched down on Ragwat 6.

As we arrived to our coordinates, I sent out a subspace transmission to other captains on the Starfleet forums (Twitter) for a bit of support. I really wanted to hail someone directly but didn’t have the time. Nonetheless I was heartened by the rather large response I got from other captains. After some bureaucratic formalities, we were set to meet up with the other cadets.

The formal meeting itself went by much sooner than I anticipated. Almost immediately, everyone set off to go engage in the various aquatic activities available at Ragwat. The cadets were being supervised by another captain and I decided to squeeze in an assessment with a prospective crewman (a date in this instance). It was a decision I later regretted.

My son actually dated the girl on the bottom right last year, though it just sorta fell away

I set course for the McKines system and met with Chief Engineer Kevin. The engineer seems like a friendly enough individual though several of the things he said concerned me. For example, Kevin hadn’t registered his vessel in the sector despite being here for 2 years. There was also a mention about a drinking habit that he believes he needs to get under better control. I was a bit displeased about these things but aside from that he seems earnest. It doesn’t hurt that he is handsome. I agreed to a second assessment (date) with him because he seems easy going and is a good listener. During our walk I snapped a few pictures of the sights we seen.

Once the assessment concluded, I set course back to Ragwat 6. I found that the main supervising officer wasn’t really keeping track of the cadets. Though I trust the judgement of my officers, I was a bit displeased that I had to retrieve the crew on my own. I wasn’t really in the mood to interact extensively with the other cadets or other senior officers. I gathered my crew and had them brief me on their experience.

I guess there were a few a whispers about me being “the dad” but nothing negative. Also, one of the girls said to my daughter, “Why is your dad dressed like a mom”? My son said he is undaunted by their opinions and if they are his friend that they won’t care about me. I was heartened to hear that he seemed emotionally hearty. We all beamed back to the ship as the day came to a close.

Captain’s Log Stardate 06102021

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Our ship was in orbit around Nigel 3 when Starfleet redirected us to the Oakton cluster (a nearby park). Starfleet intelligence received word about a device that could supersize food. Such an item could make a significant impact on hunger around the galaxy. As we arrived to the Oakton cluster to the location of the size-amplifying device, we were unable to proceed further due to a defense perimeter. My first officer was able to reverse engineer its security and lowered its defenses, temporarily.

Bella ran quickly to retrieve the device as the defensive perimeter’s system began to reactivate. She was successful in her attempt and we proceeded to test out the device. We got 2 ordinary sized apples and used the device to test whether or not the apples would be enlarged.

The device enlarged the apples about 100 fold. My first officer feasted on the apples rather happily. She then wanted to try the device on an ice cream cone.

The device also enlarged the ice cream, but proved to be too large for my officer to handle. She proceeded to drop the oversized ice cream, much to her discontent.

With our test proving successful, we returned to deliver the device to Starfleet Command where many lives with be improved especially once the mechanism for how it works is understood by our engineers.

Aboard the ship, I continue to feel painfully lonely. Others have reached out to me but I’m just unsure what it is I’m truly looking to get out of the interaction. Its…not that I have some big pressing issue. Rather, I wish my company was more sought after. I dont necessarily feel like I got like a go-to person that’s on the same wavelength as me. To be fair, my wavelength is somewhat unusual but I can’t imagine that it’s unique. Or maybe, I just continue to miss having someone who is emotionally connected with me and shares the same intellectual interests and hobbies.

Once again I’ve surfed the intergalactic dating exchange (apps). I’ve tried to be a bit more open-minded with regard to finding a good co-captain. The younger folk feel a bit TOO young for me. Feel like some of them are more akin to being peers of my kids than someone I could be with. Conversely, my peers and older individuals seem rather staid. I am hoping for the right combination of fun, responsible, emotionally stable, and kind. I want a captain that really wants to serve aboard the ship and one that can be accepted by the rest of the crew. A rather tall order, but one I hope happens sooner than later.

Captain’s Log Stardate 06082021

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Our shuttlecraft was passing through the Landis system when an unseen vessel insisted that we were trespassing in their space. We tried to negotiate with them when they suddenly fired a photon torpedo at our shuttlecraft. Ensign Noah attempted to take evasive maneuvers but the torpedo damaged our dilithium crystal chamber and we had to crash land on Landis 7.

The shuttlecraft landed in some brush. As we assessed the damaged, we were able to repair the chamber but needed more crystals. Our scanners detected a dilithium crystal deposit nearby. My crew was able to negotiate with the locals for use of their excavator.

First officer Bella used the excavator but wasn’t able to find enough dilithium. After conversing with the locals, we found that there was a podracing competition that offered dilithium as the top prize.

The competition was fierce and somewhat dangerous. Yet, Ensign Noah made the most of his piloting skills and managed to take the top prize. We then returned to the ship.

Aboard the ship, I reflected on the last couple of stardates. Chancellor Eric and I had a falling out. He was evasive with a number of questions I had for him and I grew irritated with regard to his negativity. For the time being, he is unable to hail my ship. Captain Raymond and I had an interesting conversation regarding the nature of the afterlife. He is of the disposition that death is more like sleep until God returns for the righteous and destroys the wicked. I have a much more nuanced view of death where I believe the soul continues onward. If the higher dimensional being loves us as described, I couldn’t imagine that being destroying its creation. I love my kids dearly and could never kill them, even if they deserved it. I would imagine some super intelligent powerful being would be capable of even more love than me. I think that perhaps in the afterlife we would have to rep what we sowed but that ultimately, when we learned the lessons we needed to and if we weren’t beyond rehabilitation, that we will get to be divine spirits ourselves.

Aside from my discussion with Raymond, I continue to browse the intergalactic dating exchanges (apps). I’ve even showed a couple of captains my logs. Also have had a number of drawn out conversations. I have yet to find a captain that seems like an ideal fit, but I am heartened to find several that are solid candidates. During all this time, I keep trying to be mindful of what I’d even want from a person that goes beyond the basic trope characteristics of being kind, honest, fun. Regent Greg, now only a distant ally, is someone I really enjoyed and I hope to find someone who was as effusive as him. Though time showed he only said the right things and couldn’t back it, I could totally go with someone very similar that is capable of having those characteristics. For now, I have other tasks on hand I need to take care of. Until my next mission.

Captain’s log Supplemental

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The ship continues in orbit around Earth though Starfleet has an assignment pending for us later today that will allow for us to once again explore the galaxy as the interstellar radiation (extreme temperatures) is finally set to wane. I will need to balance my time closely as I’m also set to have a briefing with Captain Raymond set for later today as well.

During the interim, I’ve once again hopped on a few intergalactic dating exchanges (apps). Though my primary responsibility is to lead the crew of my ship, I also have a personal duty to take good care of my own needs. I do miss the excitement, conversation and affection that comes with dating. Plus quite frankly I also do love the attention. If there’s one thing former ally lieutenant Brandi did well was provide plenty of (rather satisfying) physical and psychological attention. I no longer miss the allegiance itself but I do wish to to have that need addressed again. There is captain Eric…I think we both know that a lot will ride on how our in-person interactions go.

For now, I’ve left my options opened. I’m not sure whether I really want to go full-on into a relationship but I do enjoy the pursuit. Every captain has a unique planet they’re from which affects how they view things and act. I love interacting with a variety of people; each providing me with a unique view of the universe. Plus well…I may be going through a touch of the pon-farr ☺️